it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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