i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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