Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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