yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
