I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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