Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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