Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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