I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
