I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
