i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
