I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
