Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
