K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
