my phone cant type all the emotion im having
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
