but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
