I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
