It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you inspire me to be a worse person
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
