another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
