It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
