i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
