I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
