I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
