I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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