Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
