Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
