plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
