We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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