I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
