just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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