Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
