Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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