Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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