He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
