ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
