My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
