so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
