im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
