he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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