Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
