i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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