you lied. pity sex is amazing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize