I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
