She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My vagina is officially offended.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
