I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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