Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
