He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
