He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
