I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
