It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
