I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
