this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
