yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
