So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
