you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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