i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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