Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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