so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
