I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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