i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
