I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
