he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
