i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
