Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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