Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
