I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
