there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
