Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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