he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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