You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
