Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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