mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Semen is not good for contacts.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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