I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
