There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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