i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
