I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
