farters have to be the big spoon...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
