so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
