I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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