My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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