...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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