What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize