With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
