Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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