so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
