New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
