How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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