I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
