I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So much rum. So many feels.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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