I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
