i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
