Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think my fart just growled at me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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