Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
