we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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