they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
