I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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